Mommie Guilt. Uggghhh. Beware, it comes in many forms. You feel guilty for not spending enough time with the kids because you’re doing laundry and fixing lunch while on the phone with the cable repairman (“Shhh!”). Then you spend time with the kids and the house doesn’t get cleaned. Surprise, surprise, you feel guilty for the dirty house.
And then there’s that awful guilty feeling that we never want to admit: “Is this really my life? Change poop, play dress up, make lunch, change a wet one, play dress up, make a snack, play the same thing again and again, change another poop, make dinner, go to sleep and then do it all over again. ” Of course, I love it. I really love it. But every now and then, that dreaded feeling comes in…. yes, that’s right, Mommie Guilt.
I suggest that there are two kinds of Mommie Guilt. The first kind deals with what we have to do: i.e. take care of kids, house, rest of family. The second kind deals with who we are: Mom, wife, daughter, friend, etc.
Let’s deal with #2 first because your identity always determines your behavior. (Or at least your perceived identity, ruled by your thoughts.) Is “Mommie” who you are? Let me rephrase that: is “Mommie” all you are? Of course not. You were first created a woman (ok, baby), not mommie. You have an identity as a woman, with hopes, dreams, likes & dislikes. Your roles are part of your identity, but they don’t define the total picture of who you are. “Mommie” is one of the roles you play, just like “daughter”, “wife”, & “friend”.
When we realize that “Mommie” is one role we play, part of who we are (albeit a huge part), we can freely acknowledge that we have other desires. It’s ok to have other interests. It’s ok, it’s even good to have something for you to do outside of Mommiehood. We all need to fuel our core identity. Is that why so many moms blog? Being Mommie is the best and most challenging role many of us will ever play. It makes sense that we need an outlet, a release, something to fuel us as a woman, which allows us to be a better Mom. It’s ok to want more. You are more than Mom.