Ok…. I get it. The old was the preschool. But what was the new?  What were we going to do for school next year?   I was sitting in my reading spot and began talking to the Lord. “You need to finish the equation for me, Lord. What is Your best for our girls and our family? Would You shape my heart to want what You want for us Lord?

I had tried everything I could think of for two different schools.  Nothing was working.

Is it homeschooling?  Really?  Now?  After I’ve finally reconnected with my passion and spent so much time writing the workbook and MommieCan? After all the new ideas I thought You gave me?

I will give it up if You want me to.  Ugh.

At that moment a thought came to me. “You keep thinking either /or.  Either MommieCan or homeschooling. What if it is both/ and?”

What?  How?

But won’t the girls miss being in school? Their teachers and friends? They love school so much.

Trust Me. I know them and love them more than you can possibly imagine. I know what is best for you all.

Trust Me.

Honestly, I was kind of numb at this point. Really? Both/ and?  That would have to be God.

But isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the deepest cry of my heart?

Lyrics from a worship song came to my mind: “I may be weak, but Your Spirit’s strong in me; My flesh may fail, but My God You never will…”

Peace. That is what I had been missing. And that was the key. Paul wrote in Colossians 3:15, “ And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds..." (Amp. Version, bold added)

In a ball game, what does the umpire do? He calls the ball in or out. He makes the decisions. That is the role of peace.

I wish hearing from God was a nice, neat little formula. I wish it was more tangible. But God is Spirit and not a formula. He wants relationship and intimacy. And yes, He wants me to work on my communication skills with Him.

He speaks through many ways. Yes, He speaks through His Word, the Bible. He can speak through wise counsel and through circumstances. But I need to rest and trust in the fact that He speaks directly to me... Through peace.

And who or what is our peace?  Jesus.

It did not make sense to my mind, but when I had that deep peace, I just knew.

All I can say is at that moment, this overwhelming sense of peace came over me and I just knew. We were going to homeschool next year and it was the best for our family.

Are you struggling with a decision?

Where is your peace?

Is your mind confused?  Do you need to stop thinking and listen with your heart?

And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].  Colossians 3:15  (Amplified)

For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation, ¹⁵ having abolished in His flesh the enmity, that is, the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as to create in Himself one new man from the two, thus making peace.  Ephesians 2:14-15

Next:  The Test… Did I Really Hear From God?

But I did hear God’s voice. I did get my answer.

It didn’t come the way I wanted or expected. Or in my timetable. How inconsiderate of God, right? I wanted to know So I could have direction and move on, focusing on other important things. God things. Right?!

What I neglected to realize was that the journey was the important thing. God is as interested in the process as He is the destination. For its in the process that my character is shaped, my heart molded, and my will transformed.

Here was my plan: the girls were going to have one more year at the amazing church preschool where they were thriving. Fabulous in every aspect: teachers, curriculum, administration, facilities. We had made awesome friends there, and our girls were learning in a Christian environment.

I would continue to work on MommieCan.com, do the new Bible study and launch it as an ebook at the end of the year. Whoo hoo! I was living my dream. Working in the mornings while the kids were in school, then focusing on them in the afternoons. I had it all planned out and it was perfect.

Except when we hit that bump in the road. Finances. Ahhhh….. Money. And that other bump….what happens after kindergarten? Are we going to keep dipping into savings, when we had made the decision not to live that way? Would we send Booberry to the public school where she would repeat a kindergarten curriculum all year? What was our educational philosophy and how did we want our girls to learn?

And so it began. Twists and turns. I could rationalize every decision. My mind would change, sometimes by the hour.

Then there was my plan and my desires. I loved the preschool where the girls were. They were like family. Booberry had been there 3 years, Pie only 1. I cried every time I thought of Pie not going back. I wanted her to have more time there.

And then there was “my” time. I had spent the past school year developing MommieCan.com and writing “More Than Surviving Moms”, a workbook/Bible study I was hoping to launch at the end of 2012 or beginning of 2013. Was I supposed to drop it all? Was this a season Of pruning….being cut back again, so I could bear greater and richer fruit later?

I tried everything I could think of. Selling jewelry and furniture; cutting back where we could. Nothing moved. Nothing happened. My mind was consumed with the decision but I had no clarity. All my other friends knew what they were doing next year for school, but I didn’t. I was frustrated to say the least.

Didn’t God understand that I “needed” to know….now??? Why couldn’t I know like the rest of my friends? Why did I have to wrestle with this decision?

Then finally it happened. I was drinking a cup of coffee, getting ready to do a lesson in Beth Morre’s James Bible study and I happened to check Twitter. Christine Caine posted something that hit me between the eyes. “you must let go of the old to embrace the new.” I just stared at it. It was like the heavens opened and God Himself was speaking to me. I just knew in my heart of hearts that this was a word for me. Time to let go of the old and embrace the new.

How is God shaping your character?
How is He shaping your will?
What in your life needs to be molded to His will?
Let me know, I’d love to hear.

Stay tuned for more of the story

He must really want me to get this lesson…. Not just write about it… But live it….know it….

And so I will continue writing about my journey, as a mom, trying to hear and discern His voice.

Hope you’ll join me and let me know about your own experiences hearing His voice.

I will remember I am just a little sheep in His hands…..

Mommies, we all need to hear God’s voice.

When you are trying to decide where to send your child to school. Or what curriculum to use for homeschool. Or how to discern your child’s gifts and nurture then, helping them to fulfill their destiny. Or any of the millions of decisions we make as parents, and moms as primary caregivers (generally speaking, of course) that affect our precious children.

To be honest, I had a lot of fear. What if I make a wrong choice? What if what I think is best is not what God wants? Why can’t He make it clear and send me a text? I want and need to hear Him!!!

Aren’t we like that? We want a text message from God or Him to spit out directions like Mapquest,  to our destination. The problem is that eliminates relationship. I don’t love and serve Mapquest. Mapquest serves me. God wants to walk with me and He will speak, even if it’s not the way I want or expect.

I’m so glad I’m a little sheep in the hands of The Great Shepherd. I love the fact that Jesus called us sheep…. An animal that needs a caregiver; for if the sheep falls, it cannot get up by itself…. a dumb little creature that needs guidance and protection from a loving hand. Yes, sounds like me.

He promises me that I will hear His voice. I can rest knowing that if I need to hear something, He will make sure I get it. That is good news. Great news. Especially when my decisions affect my children. (Then again, all of our decisions affects others…)

Thank you Lord that even when I make mistakes, and go in a direction that is not the best, You can get me where I need to be. Thank You Lord that even when I cannot seems to hear Your voice, You are with me and I can trust Your Holy Spirit to lead me in truth. Thank You Lord that your mercies at new every morning and even though I make make a wrong turn, You can use everything, EVERYTHING, for good

I can trust You to speak, and I will hear Your voice.

I can trust You with my heart,  and the heart of my children.

You will speak.

You are leading.

I give You my heart, and will afresh today.

Speak Lord.

Remove whatever wax is in my ears, preventing me from hearing You.

You are so good.

” ‘…the sheep hear his voice and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out…the sheep follow him, for they known his voice…I am the Good Shepherd and know My sheep, and am known by My own….and they will hear My voice…’ ” John 10:3,14,16

Next….I’ll  keep posting about my journey and the wax in my ears….

I thought this summer was going to be slow, with plenty of time to organize and get myself ready for our new homeschooling adventure. Ha! Not so much.

It’s been a fabulous summer, but not slow. Vacation, swim lessons, ballet, birthday parties, parents coming in town, sleepless nights for whatever reason, trainings, focus groups for my new Bible study…. And of course 2 precious little girls….

Something had to give, and it was blogging.

But now I’m back.

And excited.

I’ll be writing about my new adventures and the fight to stay out of survival mode. After all, we are More Than Surviving Moms, right? Jesus didn’t die for us to be counting down the hours until bedtime with dark circles under our eyes, right? We were made for more. Jesus always has more.

But that’s another post….

So… Next week we start again. Thanks for your love, support and prayers. Can’t wait to share my adventures with you.

MommieCan’s purpose is to encourage moms towards the abundant life Jesus gives

.

Freedom.

It’s a cheap word, but a costly virtue.

True freedom always comes with a price. There is always sacrifice, whether or not you acknowledge it.

One of the best things about living in Savannah is that I’ve come to know wonderful and amazing people who serve our country, either on the battlefield or at home raising the family. These men and women give their lives to ensure the freedom we so often take for granted. We enjoy safety because they put themselves in harm’s way, even today. These courageous and patriotic men and women know that freedom comes with a price.

It is not cheap.

Just last week, a woman I know found out her husband and the father of their two small boys was killed in duty. I can’t stop thinking about her and her boys. The sacrifice they have made for our great country, where we are free to worship God wholeheartedly.

We celebrate freedom today. Is living in a “free country” what makes us free? Sure, we can all make choices: salute the flag or stomp on it. But we all know people here who aren’t really free. They are plagued by worry, anxiety, and depression. Bad choices keep them tripped up. Or maybe it’s the relationship that they can’t give up or the abuse they’ve been victim to. Maybe it’s the secret eating disorder or the persistent perfectionism. There are all sorts of chains that keep people prisoner to their circumstances or negative thoughts.

What brings true freedom? Knowing the Truth, Jesus. He paid the ultimate sacrifice, giving His life for us so we could be free. Really and truly free. Free from sin. Free from fear. Free from death. Free to live.

That is reason to celebrate. Happy Freedom.

“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free; therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:32, 36

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

It’s refreshing and invigorating,

It’s fun.

It’s calming.

It helps me forget about all the stuff I so often worry about.

I feel weightless and light.

If chlorinated pool water can do this, how much more can the Living Water refresh my soul?

His presence is refreshing.

He brings true joy.

His treasures are never ending.

“In Your presence is the fullness of joy, at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:10-11

He calms my soul.

He makes me forget about all the stuff I so often worry about.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:27-29

He makes me light.

“You are the light of the world.”

He is the only relief from this sticky world.

“Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” 1 John 5:5

“…but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”John 16:33

Jump into Him, Mommie. Dive for lasting treasures and let Him refresh your soul.

I’ve been so blessed. Just in this past year, I’ve been able to pursue part of my ever-evolving dream to encourage women toward the abundant life Jesus gives.  I jumped into the blogging world with MommieCan.

I’ve written my first workbook/ Bible study and I’m testing the waters with a group of fabulous women who love Jesus. There have been twists and turns, but isn’t that part of this great adventure called life?

Because a part of me that had been dormant for years was re-awakened, I’ve actually become a better mom.  I’ve been enjoying my girls more.  My heart has grown for them in ways I didn’t know it could.

I’ve been astounded by God’s abundance, His mercy and His grace.  He is so good, so faithful, even when we are not. I’ve been disciplined by His strong yet gentle hand because He’s not willing for me to remain in my muck.  He’s pruned and is pruning me because He wants me to grow fuller, better, richer.  Because I’m great?  No. Definitely not.  Because He is.

Jesus, You amaze me.  Your miracles have not ceased.  You continue to cause life to come from death.  You continue to heal and provide.  You love relentlessly.

My prayer for my 40’s is that I will know You more, Jesus.  More of your abundance, more of Your life, more of You.  As I seek You, I will become the wife I want to be, the mom I want to be, the woman I want to be. There is nothing greater than knowing Jesus.

“We have to leave…. NOW! Come on!”

So it went this morning. Why were we late?  Because I “had” to make a phone call.  Right.  And then I expected my girls to act like trained dogs, obeying my every barking command.  Ugh.  Mommie Monster, please go away.

Then I read  Sarah Mae’s post from yesterday.  Brilliant.  Read it. If you’re at all like me, it will speak to you.  I realized I expect perfection from my kids often.  And yet I expect others to extend me grace.  I want my kids to control their tempers and stop yelling. But then I yell back.  They are almost 4 and 5.  I’m almost 40  and  I’m still learning how to handle my emotions.  (I never knew I had such emotion  until I had kids.)

Thank You Lord for always being patient with me. Thank You Lord for extending me grace.  Thank You Lord for showing me tangible forgiveness when I humble myself before my girls and they instantly forgive me with kisses.  Help me to remember and love much, because You love so much.

Thank You, Lord.

Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, ³ and said “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:2-4

Yes, Mommie, that is for you.

Now. Not when your kids are grown and out of the house. Now. In the midst of the diapers, chubby kisses, endless mess and fingerprints everywhere.

It’s time to say goodbye to survival mode.  You were made for more.  You were made to thrive, not just survive.

Are you in survival mode? 

Do you want to break free?

It’s going to take time, energy and determination.  It’s going to take effort, intention and heart.  It means letting go of the old so you can embrace the new.  You have to stop doing the same thing to get different results.

What do you need to let go of?  What do you need to say goodbye to? What do you want to embrace?

There is always a cost to moving forward. But the cost of remaining where you are is greater.  For me, the cost of staying the same is mediocrity.  It’s being content with a certain level of deadness where I’m not disappointed because I don’t expect.  It’s a life without vision, dreams or desire.  That is not a life a want to lead. That cost is too much to bear. It’s sacrificing life.  I want what Jesus offers.  I want His abundant life.

I know He has more to give. He always has more.  He is more.  And I want it.  I don’t ever want to stop reaching for His more, His life.  I want my children to see me reaching and then reach for themselves.  I want them to thrive, to go farther than I can imagine and I can imagine a lot.

Mommie, you were made to thrive.  To thrive in Him.  Abide in Him and receive His abundant life.

Mommie, you can because Jesus did.

Mommie Commandment #10

You were made to thrive, not just survive.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”  John 15:5-8

Stay tuned for my workbook/ Bible study on getting out of survival mode….